Hell In A Cell 2013

- A night of firsts here, my first live PPV review, first from a pub, first HIAC and first whilst drunk, unless I got really drunk and forgot I did one, would explain why two Canadian Stampedes are MIA. What's on tap you say, well there's Carling, Carls .... oh you mean from HIAC well Orton/Bryan finally get a definite winner, Cena returns, Rhodes Dynasty defend the Tag Titles and some other stuff.  Live from Miami, Florida, that's the PPV not me, it's HELL IN A CELL!

Opening video is people speaking about the Cell, Foley, HBK and Edge were definately there.

WWE Tag Titles - Rhodes Dynasty (c) Vs. The Usos Vs. The Shield
 Smart as this could be a hot opener. Cole says Biog Show is banned from the arena. Rey Mysterio is at the Spanish Announce Table, though it could be any kid under the mask. Goldust, Jimmy slap hands in a mutual face respect way. Shield (Rollins/Reigns) isolate Goldust near the start, DDT to Reigns stops the onslaught but he cant tag out as Shield take out Usos. Goldie is again isolated as Shield are going all Brainbusters tonight. Hot tag to Cody, moonsault on Rollins gets 2. An Uso flapjacks Rollins into a samoan drop for 2. Holy Shit Cody and Rollins are up top whilst everyone else is on outside and Cody superplexes Rollins onto the mon the outside that was immense. Reigns Spears an Uso the other Uso Superkicks Reigns. Cross Rhodes top Rollins gets 3, the Champions retain. **** - Great, hot opener here, smart booking/placement as the fans are now pumped up. Matches like this give me hope for the Tag Divison.   

HHH and HBK are talking backstage, in a bizarro version of Judgment Day 2000 (Though thankfully HHH isn't wearing HBKs JD 2000 shorts) and also Cena has a new app out which looks like Need For Speed.

Miz is in-ring he calls out Wyatts and here's Brays brothers/homies whatever but Kane returns to make the save, then as even Kane cant stand Miz he chokeslams him aswell. Imagine a Kane/Miz tag team in the mold of X-Pac/Kane. (Which was the Show-Miz team)

2K14 advert plays, this is the first I've heard of it.

Fandango/Summer Rae Vs. Khali/Natalya
 Barman asked who I thought will win this match, I gave a drunken nod towards Fandango and he seemed to think I was stupid, well ha! Fandango won. Khalis spped, well lack of, is immense he is the Bizarro Usain Bolt man. Match was basically nothing, mini pop from me when Natalya went all Kerry Von Erich with a discus punch. I missed the ending but via a replay I can tell you Summer got 3 off a roll up. *1/2 - Meh. My pub notes say - 'Women carried it, if don't agree blame the beer' well I don't agree and I blame the beer, schizo argument!

Josh Matthews, Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth and Kaitlyn or as I saw them - Robbie Savage, Booker-T, Ashley Tisdale and some annoying guy, talk about the PPV so far. It was like ESPN/Sportscenter.

US Title - Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Big E. Langston
 If this was the attitude era Langstons first name would be Will. Langston starts better and gets some quick 2s. Dean is getting a foot in the match now. Ambrose Recliner is applied but Big E. stands up and breaks it. E misses a Warrior style splash but gets 2 off a belly to belly, Big Es been cut. Dean walks off but E brings him back. Big E. spears Dean through the ropes ala Edge at 'Mania 22. Dean is counted out, booo. ** - Okay match, bad ending. I picture Big E. going on a title chase now, ending at TLC maybe.

There's a pop in the pub as the cell is lowered.

Hell In A Cell - CM Punk Vs. Ryback/Heyman
 Heyman enters on a cart, the driver may be drunk, Paul is lifted onto the Cell roof leaving Punk/Ryback one-on-one. Heyman is starting the match like Mankind but will his end the same way? 'Goldberg' chant, because that's not old. Punk is on top until he misses kendo shots and is rammed into the Cell. Punk is suplexed into the Cell three times as Ryback is on top. Ryback powerslams a springoarding Punk for 2, he goes for Shell Shocked but Punk avoids it. Kendo shots by Punk then an elbow from the top gets 2. At certain angles Ryback looks like Goldberg. Punk elbows Ryback through a table then a GTS gets 3. Post match Punk goes to the roof and batters Heyman with a kendo stick and GTSs him, that should draw a line under the feud. **1/2 - Match was meh, PPVs gone down since the opener. If the Punk/Heyman stuff continues then the post match stuff was pointless, but this being WWE i'm not sure what'll happen. What can Punk move onto from here? (He moved onto the unemployment line *cymbal clash* though fair dos for doing what he wants to do)

D-Bry is interviewed.

Los Matadores (w/ some bull) vs. Real Americans (w/ someone speaking bull)
 I heard 'Ole' and thought it was El Generico, I saw them and thought woah double Tito Santana then I saw the bull and thought Manatour! Real Americans, though one's European. Zeb does his usual right wing schtick. Matador 1 does Flair Flip, now he's being isolated. Cesaro rolls through a sunset flip and does 31 Giant Swings! Swagger Ankle Locks a Matador but it gets broken and when I next look up the match is over, Matadors win and it looked like a Double Team on Swagger. ** - Giant Swing alone earns it *. 

World Heavyweight Title - Alberto Del Rio (c) Vs. John Cena
 Cena had triceps surgery was meant to be out around 6 months but he's back within 2 and gets a Title Shot for nothing. They have a ready made story with the Cross Arm Breaker but it depends on Cena selling it, which is debatable (Really?). Champion out first irritates me. Slow start, bulldog gets Cena 2. STFU is avoided and a german gets Del Rio 2, I think he meant to bridge it but failed. Sandow is watching backstage. ADR comes off top but is dropkicked. Cena fights back with his usual offence but Del Rio avoids AA with a backcracker. Tornado DDT gets Cena 2. ADR gets 2 when he enziguris Cena up top. Cena rolls through a Cross Arm Breaker and applies STFU but Del Rio gets a rope break. Cross Arm Breaker is applied but of course Cena stands up and breaks it with a slam, AA gets 3. **1/2 - Loses a 1/2 due to Cena standing up in the CAB, I hated that. A bit better than I was thinking it'd be to be fair.

Survivor Series promo plays, it's the Wyatts.

Divas Title - AJ Lee (c) (w/ Tamina) Vs. Brie Bella (w/ Nikki)
 Annoying Bellas are face due to their relationships I guess. Nothing match really, it ends when Brie runs into Nikki and falls prey to the Black Widow, see what I did there albeit unintentionally. *1/2 - Match was a buffer really, as were quite a few I guess. Get fans calmed down for the main event.

PTP are playing a game called 2K14, no I've never heard of that one, Bob backlund dances with them, yes that happened and yes I loved it. Whacky Bob!

HHH and HBK are chatting again, who's conversations last for 2 hours in the same place?

Hell In A Cell - Special Ref - Shawn Michaels - Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton
 Will the Corporate Commissioner be reborn? Triple-H brings the belt out, D-Bry refuses HHHs hand shake. Early snap powerslam by Orton. D-Bry is knocked into the Cell then Orton follows up with ring steps shots. Back in Bryan hits kicks then dropkicks Orton to the outside and hits a suicide dive. Orton crotches Bryan around the ringpost then hits his Backbreaker variation. European uppercuts are traded in the ring, D-Bry is building momentum. Orton is hurricanraned off the top, divind headbutt gets 2. Orton gets a rope break to avoid a Yes Lock. Bryan tosses 10 chairs into the ring but it backfires as Orton superplexes him onto them for 2. HHH is here and exchanges wwords with HBK. Special Ref Bump! as Orton is pushed into HBK to avoid an RKO. HHH is in the Cell and checking on HHH when BOOM! Bryan hits a running knee but HBK Sweet Chin Musics Bryan and reluctantly counts 3 for Orton. Why Super Kick someone then not want to count them down? HBK isn;t with HHH/Orton though so no Corporate Commissioner role for HBK. ***1/2 - Match was pretty good, ending wasn't. Were they protecting Bryan or cutting his legs out from under him? There cant be much mileage in Orton/Bryan now so Bryan either needs to win or he's a babyface that failed in his quest. I suspect we'll get Bryan/HHH next. (We got fan outrage next and Bryan winning the straps at 'Mania)

19.5 / 40 - Bang on .500 and that seems right as one great match and one very good. Rest was meh to good but nothing was actively bad. Americans had to pay $60 or so I guess but in UK it was £15.00. Not a bad PPV but not a blow away one either call it a thumbs in the middle. (In retrospect I would say thumbs on their way down as nothing between opener and main were noteworthy and the ending at the time was groan inducing also I've knocked a point off so bang in the middle no longer makes sense however I do not delete my words of wisdom.)

Armageddon 1999

- Vinnie Mac main events his 2nd PPV of '99, not counting Royal Rumble, as he faces HHH in a Divorce Vs. Title Shot Match,  Big Show defends the WWF Title against the Big Bossman, the casket surfing feud if you will, Rock and Sock attempt to win Tag Gold as Kane and X-Pac get it on in a cage ....

 December  1999, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.

 Opening video is dissapointing by WWF standards, it's not that it's bad it's just meh, also this is the inaugral Armageddon PPV and we dont have the awesome 'The End Is Here' theme.

8 Team Battle Royal
 Winner gets a shot at the Tag Belts at Royal Rumble, if you've read my review of said Rumble PPV, or even just watched it then you'll know who wins here, hint it's not the fans, not that they deserve much it's a crap crowd, wake up Florida, this is a theme throughout the night. Teams involved were - Dudleyz, Edge/Christian, Hardyz, Acolytes, Headbangers, Too Cool, Henry/Godfather, Mean Street Posse. MSP were switching members when one was eliminated, that reminds me it's the 1 man gone = team eliminated rule. JR says Headbangers are multiple time champions but i'm pretty confidant in saying that's wrong, I believe they held them once. Anyway the Acolytes win, fun fact as they tried a 94 Rumble style both go over with Matt Hardy and Bradshaw but clearly Bradshaw hit first. Faarooq got the win by launching Jeff Hardy from Florida to Puerto Rico, two months later he'd nearly launch him into an early grave with a botched Dominator. Don't Rate Battle Royals i'm sorry but that's just the way I am

Kurt Angle Vs. Steve Blackman
 One year later Angle would be defending the WWF Title in a 6 man Hell In A Cell. Blackman runs down and hits some kicks, punches etc. he heads up top but misses a headbutt, Benoit was probably watching thinking give it 6 weeks and i'll show you how it's done, son. Angle misses a moonsault and is placed in a bow and arrow. Crowd is quiet until they start a 'boring' chant. Angle is fighting back as Steve has been in control mainly, hits a double underhook suplex but fans think 'Angle Sucks' Bridged German gets Kurt the 3 count *starts dancing and singing on a circle*. ** - Kurt was not yet 'Wrestling God Kurt'. Kind of went too long for what they had, technically proficient but boring, the same words I use when describing Bret Hart. Steve wouldn't hit his niche until he entered the Hardcore Division.

Womens Title - Evening Gown Bath Match - Miss Kitty Vs. B.B Vs. Jacqueline vs. Ivory (c)
 Some people say WWF was degrading to women and watching this I see where they're coming from, obviously the ladies weren't forced into doing this stuff though of dressing in their bra and panties. This is remembered for one thing only as Kitty removed her top willingly revealing her boobs to the PPV audience, blurred out on DVD. Apparently she thought she was facing away from camera. Kitty won by the way.

 Kevin Kelly interviews Rikishi, what he says isn't important nor interesting, however lest me forget that a month earlier Kish attempted vehicular homicide when he ran down Austin. How can he carry on his dancing etc. knowing that Austin was going to find him a year or so later. #KayfabePat

Hollys Vs. Rikishi/Viscera
 I've always believed Rikishi ran down Austin as he knew teaming with Viscera was on the horizon, it'd make me attempt vehicular homicide. Nothing much happens highlights, if you can call them that, were Viscera legdropping Crash after backdropping Hardcore, 'Kish hitting a flapjack/Diamond Cutter combo on Crash then Rikishi Drivering him, I think that was Bam Bams 'Greeting From Asbury Park'. Viscera hits Rikishi with a spinning heel kick by accident and the Hollys get 3. * - Match and Crowd both sucked so they deserve each other.

European Title - Bulldog (c) Vs. Val Venis Vs. D-Lo Brown
 JR says D-Lo is only man to hold Euro-IC belts simultaneously, what's that someone's shouting 'Ain't I great?'. Wow just 2 months earlier Val beat Mankind at No Mercy now he's doing this. My question going in is -Will we get a Tower Of Doom spot. Tweet 'Yes' or 'No' to http://Twitter.com/PatrickJClough. D-Lo topes onto his opponents. At one point D-Lo and Bulldog form a coalition which I dub 'Churchill' after that annoying nodding dog. D-Lo goes for a springboard but slips on the ropes. Another botch as Val, D-Lo go to hip toss Bulldog but he lands on his neck, now did they not elevate him enough or did he time his jump wrong? D-Lo powerbombed Val but Bulldog pulled the ref out and blamed a fan. Sky High and Lo Down to Bulldog but Val Money Shots D-Lo and pins Bulldog instead for the European Belt. *1/2 - All I remember is the botches and my shock at no Tower Of Doom Spot.

 X-Pac says he can win by escape/pin whilst Kane can only win by pinfall. Escape rule annoys me in Cages as they should be a match where you just pulverise your opponent instead of simply climbing away.

Steel Cage - X-Pac Vs. Kane (w/ Tori)
 Kane/X-Pac were a team, from May at least cause they had a match at Over The Edge, until X-Pac turned on Kane in October/November, against the Dudleyz I believe, to rejoin DX. X-Pac mouths off with Tori so Kane climbs out of the cage and they fight around ringside. JR says Penis as Lawler is shocked. Speed Vs. Power basically as X-Pac ducks, punches and hits kicks and Kane does power moves like tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Outlaws cut the cage door open with bolt cutters and Billy slams it into Kane's head. Kane is X-Factored onto a chair then handcuffed to the Cage allowing X-Pac some free chair shots. Tori comes in but X-Pac spits at her and does the X-Factor, this infuriates Kane so he breaks the handcuffs. X-Pac heads up so Kane strolls ringside and puts X-Pac in the electric chair so his feet don't touch the floor and places him back in the ring. High point of the match, and PPV, as Kane hits a Clothesline off the top of the cage, a Tombstone is academic. **1/2 - Lacked intensity for a rivalry in a cage. It was okay but still easily the best match so far tonight.

IC Title - Chris Jericho Vs. Chyna (c) (w/ Miss Kitty)
 Jericho signed from WCW to much fan fare but was soon stuck in this feud, I've heard some complained about his style. I think he had an awkward style for WWF and didn't really click until a certain Canadian came over but you cant deny his popularity. Chyna does her usual silly looking forearms at least until she is front suplexed on the announce table. Back in Jericho jumps off the top into a low blow then Chyna goes all Great Muta and Andre on y'all by doing Handspring Elbow then being tied in the ropes, we get thumb psychology as Jericho dropkicks it, he'd hit it with a hammer on RAW is WAR. Chyna hits a slow hurricanrana to counter a powerbomb. jericho responds with a vertical suplex and a 2 count from a 'C'mon Baby!'. Bulldog, scoop slam and a gyration leads to a LionSault but Chyna gets her knees up. Jericho counters a Pedigree attempt into a backslide for 2. They do a 'Mind Games' as Chyna counters a back suplex to a crossbody, If you haven't' seen HBK/Mankind from IYH X: Mind Games then check it out. Jericho rolls through a roll up and applies the Walls for the submission victory. **1/2 - It was okay so earns **1/2, yes Chyna wasn't very good in the ring but at least she didn't phone it in. I hate wrestlers who do that when people have paid to see them wrestle. The Chyna/Y2J stuff didn't end here as soon they pinned each other on SMACKDOWN! and became co-champions.

WWF Tag Titles - New Age Outlaws (c) Vs. Rock 'n' Sock Connection
 Crowd wake up for Rocky so much so that The Fink is drowned out. You know Randy Orton went through that 2 year phase of essentially doing nothing well Rock had that in late 99 as post King Of The Ring he had a Billy Gunn and a Bulldog feud then the Rock 'n' Sock stuff and also was on the verge of an Al Snow feud it's almost as if someone wanted to keep him from the top of the card. Rock attacks as Gunn is taking his shirt off now Gunn, Rock are fighting in crowd as Mankind blocks Road Doggs punches with a Mandible claw. Diamond Cutter gets Gunn 2. Outlaws have been on top of The Rock for abit, I like how he'd sell for people in fact him Vs. Rikishi was the only thing worth watching at Survivor Series 2000 for this very reason. Road Dogg goes for his Pump Handle Slam however Rock avoids but soon Outlaws are on top again, float over DDT by Rock and Mankind is in and beats on Outlaws, i'd hate to have to take his running corner knee as i'd be worried of just getting smacked and that would kill. Ref Bump! as Mankind accidentally punches him, piledriver to Road Dogg but there's no ref. Mandible Claw is applied but here's Al Snow and he clocks Foley with Head. Rock chases Al and beats him up at the entrance way. Ringbell shot and a piledriver both get 2 on Mankind. Hot tag to Rock who cleans house but Al Snow returns and hits him for the blatant DQ. ** - Match started to drag as it lasted longer than it needed to, maybe Als initial interference should've been the end, also I dont like long matches that end on DQs. I'd guess this was leading to Al doing something with Rock but that didn't transpire.

WWF Title - Big Show (c) Vs. Bossman
 Big Show was tricked into thinking has dad had died, he had cancer, but Bossman had just hired someone to say it. Anyway his dad did die and at the funeral Bossman drove away the casket and Big Show went 'Casket Surfing' that whole thing was hilarious. Was the WWF Title put in a bad feud so people's limelight wouldn't be stolen, kind of like Rocks feuds. This ended in 3 minutes as Show Chokeslammed Albert through S.A.T battered Bossman and chokeslammed him for 3. * 1/2 - Extra 1/2 as it was booked right, in that it was short. Feud was funny though to be fair.

No Holds Barred - Triple-H Vs. Vince McMahon
 Vince counted the 3 at Survivor Series when HHH lost his WWF Title but the best known part is HHH interrupting Test/Stephanies wedding to reveal he married Steph already, without her knowing. This should be Test Vs. HHH really but there you go. If Vince wins then the HHH/Steph marriage is over but if HHH wins he gets a WWF Title Shot. Steph is sat in the front row. Vince throws powder in HHHs eyes then throws some, probably stiff punches. They follow the 98/99 rules and fight in the crowd. Mankind comes out and brings some weapons for Vince to use. HHH punches Vince with a chain the bounces him off various things in the entrance way. Sick bit as HHH spins a turret hard into Vince's head. They fight backstage where HHH tries to run over Vince, Rumble 2000 would stop the attempted vehicular homicide count at 2 PPVs. Back in the arena now and they climb a structure, at the top HHH bangs Vinces head off it and he falls backwards, Vince falls exactly the same as Shane does at SummerSlam 2000 must be a McMahon thing. Vince is busted. HHH retrieves a mic and trashtalks Steph then drags a bloodied Vince over to her, Vince would do that to Ric Flair at Rumble 2002. Hunter gets his Sledgehammer but Vince lowblows him and corners HHH with the sledgehammer, Steph jumps into the ring as she wants to hit Hunter but she stalls and he grabs the Sledgehammer, two shots to Vince later and HHH gets 3. Post match Steph checks on Vince then smiles and hugs HHH, as much as Steph irritates me this was a great heel turn. *** - Pretty good effort considering it's Vince. Hunter would win the WWF Title on January 3rd off of Big Show.

16 / 40 - Nothing was really bad it's just some was uninteresting/boring (Angle/Blackman) or too short to mean anything (Big Show/Bossman). Thumbs in the middle as it's okay for an evening watch but when you break it down it's meh. Don't seek it out but don't ignore it either. (Editors Note - What sort of advice did I give there?)